How many times have you stepped out from Victoria’s Secret or Abercrombie and Fitch, hands loaded with bags, legs weary from walking and a stomach that’s beginning to sound like Chewbacca? Just when you’re about to give up and dive into a full-blown Kanye West tantrum you eye the oasis that is…..the Food Court. You wade through the teenie-boppers, the goths, the skaters, the soccer moms, the cougars and then you’re hit with the dilemma…where do I eat? Worry no more lone shopper, you have been saved. Follow this handy flowchart and you’ll be back out there stimulating the economy in no time. Click over to Top Cultured to see the Food Court Flowchart and be sure to follow me on Twitter @HeesaPhadie.

You may also enjoy our other flowcharts:
Fast Food
Cereal
Chain Restaurant
Beer
Freezer Aisle
Candy
Produce Aisle
Soda
Vending Machine

There are few more awkward and hilarious things than watching Martha Stewart try to keep her composure around an unruly guest. We’ve compiled the top 5 of the bunch for your viewing pleasure. From the S&M Cookie Monster to Amy Sedaris being called Martha Stewart on crack, “I’ve never done crack…I’ve only sold it.”

There is hardly a more hilarious moment on daytime TV than when And Dick, with his head inside a pumpkin, smashes it against the table. The only thing that might top it is Snoop teaching, a presumably 95% white audience, the necessary vocabulary of the day,  “fo shizzle,” “what’s crackalackin,” “chuuuch,” “all-hood,” and “ball till you fall” or pretty much every second of the Conan appearance. Now grab your apron and follow along over at Top Cultured.

You’re starving and hopefully you’ve got a few small bills or some change in your pocket. You round the corner and to your delight there stands a gorgeous black machine with a glass window to stomach bliss. What’s it going to be mate…B6…..D9? Fret not mon fraire for we here at Top Cultured have taken (most of) the guess work out of it for you. Follow this handy flowchart to sweet or savory, delights.

Head over to Top Cultured to see the Vending Machine Flowchart and be sure to add me on Twitter @HeesaPhadie.

I can officially now die a happy man. A creation of mine has been mentioned by Conan O’Brien on The Tonight Show. I hate to be the one to outshine Michael Cera (the secondary guest) but someone had to do it.

Mr. O’Brien speaks of the fabled Burger King Double Bacon Rodeo State Fair Cheeseburger from our Will They Build It? Series. Our other attempts have been the Taco Bell Nacho Cheesy Blackjack Volcano Gordita Crunch and the McDonald’s Big McSausage Egg Surf & Turf Mac. Make sure to check back in this week to see the next in the series. There was also are Burger King Whooper Windows 7 Burger Hacked & Unlocked.

He mentions the site www.diefattydie.com and I would love to have that domain but sadly it’s taken. Without further ado….my 15 seconds of fame:

Head over to Top Cultured to see the video.

So we’ve looked at the Top Seinfeld Food Related Episodes, George’s Top 20 Seinfeld Food Related Moments and Jerry’s Top 20 Seinfeld Food Related Moments. Here is the last in our series and we end it with a bang. Here’s to Kramer’s best food related moments, enjoy! Head over to Top Cultured to see them all.

The burger aficionados over at A Hamburger Today have been doing weekly polls on what eaters want in a burger. We’ve taken the data (with their permission of course, thanks guys!), crunched the numbers and have come up with the perfect burger…and also what would presumably be the least appetizing burger. Not sure how you’re going to accomplish that deep-fried 1 1/2 inch thick rare burger but I know I wouldn’t want to try it.

Head over to Top Cultured to see The Making of the Perfect Hamburger (Infograph).

Recently there has been a strong push by legislators to bring transparency and honesty to the fast food industry. A few restaurants have taken it upon themselves to embrace this. I’ve been seeing more and more of these coupons that are really quite honest.

These are based on actual coupons and would love to know if someone out there can pass one of these off and actually use it to get a discount.

Head over to Top Cultured to see the coupons….and add me on Twitter @HeesaPhadie!

Where: Burger King
What: 2 Rodeo Cheeseburgers with 9 Funnel Cake Sticks
Cost: $4.11
Success: ??? Click over to Top Cultured to find out!

Another successful attempt in our Will They Build It? series, where we venture to find out whether or not we can get fast food joints to make our dreams come true. The first was a failure at Taco Bell, but we did have a success at McDonald’s.

Cafe Du Monde
Address: 800 Decatur Street, New Orleans, La, 70116
Phone: (504) 587-0841
Website: www.cafedumonde.com
Known For: Coffee & Beignets
What I had: Coffee & Beignets
Price: $4.80
Rating: 7 out of 10

Click over to Top Cultured to see the full review.

Soda, pop, Coke…whatever you call it, we all love it and some of us have even been sipping the stuff from the moment we were weaned-off the bottle. There are hundreds of choices out there but how can one decide. This week Top Cultured tackles those though times when you need your thirst quenched by a tasty carbonated beverage. No longer will you stare blankly at the cooler…from now on you can stare blankly at the cashier, drink in had but empty pocket.

Head over to Top Cultured to see the Soda Pop Edition Flowchart along with all our other classics.