2010 Update: A while back I wrote this guide to help instruct and direct the avid eater on the best possible plan of attack on the ever so amazing wonder that is the All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet. With the New Year upon us all your co-workers are trying to stick to their resolutions (even though they’ll slip within the week) and your gyms are probably packed with all the Oprah watching, bandwagon jumping people who feel guilty about their “Holiday weight.” Well I say we laugh in the face of convention. Let us not celebrate the the New Year with self-abnegation…let us embrace overindulgence instead. Let us celebrate what makes this nation great so great. We are Americans and we must wear that title with pride! Here I present to you an updated version of the most thorough, comprehensive guide on how to get the most for your money. Eat on my friends. Oh…and you can thank me later.
Head over to Top Cultured to read the new and improved 2010 All-Inclusive All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Guide.
Here it is, world. Do you wonder why Americans are so f@#&*! fat? This is the answer you were looking for.
By: Fatty P. McFatterson on November 10, 2009
at 1:02 pm
It’s called ‘satire’, asshat!
By: Jen on November 11, 2009
at 3:48 pm
ass hat lol , You from Mississippi
By: peacebrother on November 15, 2009
at 9:14 pm
I think I love you.
By: Walt N. on November 10, 2009
at 2:14 pm
Well done sir. This reminds me of my youth.
Now I want to go back to Super Great Wall Buffet, which is across the street from Great Wall Buffet.
And no, those two places are not related.
By: jestergoblin on November 10, 2009
at 3:14 pm
Upon experiencing my first Chinese buffet during my college days, I was eating from buffets in the area on a near weekly basis.
By: Nearly Overweight on November 10, 2009
at 3:34 pm
Witnessing a small child vomit a couple of feet from my table almost deterred me from gorging myself at a well-known American buffet restaurant.
By: Fatty on November 10, 2009
at 3:37 pm
“You go now, there no more food for you”
By: Rocko on November 10, 2009
at 4:04 pm
“sweat & sour sauce”…mmm, my favorite.
By: Saucerer on November 10, 2009
at 7:10 pm
Huh. How much do you weigh, anyway?
By: mrfun on November 11, 2009
at 1:16 am
nothing against gorging. gorging is GREAT. but you had to go and deconstruct it and just be a general cunt about the whole thing?
god, i hate you. you’re like the zack hample of buffets.
By: i seriously hope you're kidding on November 11, 2009
at 2:01 am
Re Sushi all you can eat, they often make the sushi with a ton of rice and thin slices of fish, and will raise a stink if you don’t eat the rice (aka cheap filler). Consider bring a large purse or murse (man purse) so you can eat the fish and stash the rice in it (you may want to buy a cheap second hand one for reasons of smell and cleaning).
By: Dude on November 11, 2009
at 6:12 am
Truly an epic post. Well done indeed. Love the reactions from the Anti-Fatty Offenderati who can’t seem to wrap their narrow minds around the concept of “satire.”
By: Dave on November 11, 2009
at 9:57 am
I can’t seem to decide if this is supposed to be serious or funny. I really hope it’s the latter of the two.
Who really puts that much thought into a buffet?
By: Bob on November 11, 2009
at 12:18 pm
I went to a Chinese buffet once but after witnessing more than one (adult) person grabbing tempura shrimp with their bare hands I decided to leave well enough alone.
By: Jen on November 11, 2009
at 3:52 pm
This is the most comprehensive all-you-can-eat buffet I have seen yet. Bravo!
By: Gary on November 11, 2009
at 10:39 pm
Its look so delicious …!
By: Bali hotels on November 12, 2009
at 2:16 am
Do you have any suggestions especially for a college buffet environment? I’m a senior in high school, and currently visiting a lot of colleges, and therefore all you can eat dining halls. Thanks!
By: gabjoh on November 12, 2009
at 11:21 am
you forgot the rodizio / churrascuria buffet!!
By: avisualperson on November 12, 2009
at 3:10 pm
“I recommend first getting a soup bowl (or the largest available bowl), filling it with ice cream and returning it to the table. ”
This is my stragety at Sweet Tomatoes. I hate how they try to control you by providing pathetically puny desert bowls. I grab the soup bowl for desert. That way, I can cram the ice cream, pudding and requisite brownie at the bottom in one trip.
By: Victor on November 12, 2009
at 3:38 pm
This is geat! I know its a joke, but imma use it anyways!
By: Hungy D3M0N on November 12, 2009
at 6:02 pm
Heh, very nice. Even though this is satire, when I may want to fill up, this may be a good thing to remember.
Note: I’m a 5’8″, 130lbs, 7% body fat cross country runner. I’m allowed to gorge!
By: Akkeresu on November 13, 2009
at 12:31 am
Allowed? So those that are not fit and athletic are not allowed?
More likely the fit ones don’t need to be belittled for their eating habits but for the less fit it would be okay. (sigh)
By: Manndanna on November 15, 2009
at 1:21 pm
You are correct, and if you’re offended by his comment, well, stop and think about why.
By: BobBob on November 24, 2009
at 5:07 pm
yes fat boy.
By: FATTYBOOMBATTY on November 27, 2009
at 12:22 am
Its like the ultimate game plan for the gorge of a lifetime.
Oh and by the way….all American’s are fat.
By: Dirk Diggler on November 13, 2009
at 12:32 am
sweety jesus I am hungry
By: peacebrother on November 15, 2009
at 9:13 pm
i heared the room tempreture has an effect on how much one eats at all you can eat restaurabts
By: pizza delivery on November 15, 2009
at 11:55 pm
> you forgot the rodizio / churrascuria buffet!!
No, you just didn’t read the second paragraph under the “Ethnic” category.
> Oh and by the way….all American’s are fat.
Peut être, but at least some of us know how to use apostrophes.
By: boberonicus on November 16, 2009
at 1:39 am
Though your use of hypens is peut-être a little bit off…
By: BobBob on November 24, 2009
at 5:08 pm
GENIUS
By: YES on November 16, 2009
at 7:40 am
Remember to watch for changes in price and menu around meal time changes. For example, a popular Vegas buffet based on a French city, change from Breakfast to Lunch at 11:00am. The cost difference is roughly $6pp. If you arrive at 10:30am, you get to sample the breakfast fare, rest, and enjoy the lunch menu at a reduced price.
By: Dan on November 16, 2009
at 10:17 am
“The football size dining rooms at least make you feel as if you’re burning off some calories as you walk back and forth from your table to the buffet.”
I think you mean football-field sized!
By: Alex Perrone on November 16, 2009
at 11:24 am
Ha, awesome.
By: Cory Barbot on November 16, 2009
at 2:58 pm
The Art of the Buffet OR All You Can Eat is Not a Challenge
http://buffets.blogspot.com/
Above is the link to a blog that is even more comprehensive than this eatingtheroad.com post.
I went to the Wynn Buffet in Las Vegas on October 27 just before they start charging the dinner price. People were standing in line, hoping to get the lunch price, so management opened up two other registers, so people could be seated at the lower price. That was extraordinary.
The food was amazingly well prepared and good.
By: Boleslaw on November 16, 2009
at 3:48 pm
Spectacular. Pure and simple.
By: Hepworth on November 16, 2009
at 11:33 pm
You sick, (presumably) fat f#@%.
By: Jerry on November 17, 2009
at 4:43 am
I don’t use the word hero very often, but you sir are the greatest hero in American history.
By: luncandunc on November 17, 2009
at 1:09 pm
As a small girl reknowned for her massive eating abilities, I thought this comprehensive guide was GOLDEN. So true and funny!
Jetsetting Joyce
By: Jetsetting Joyce (MEL: HOT OR NOT) on November 18, 2009
at 3:27 am
You have answered all of my buffet strategy questions in one fell swoop. Outstanding.
By: cube on November 18, 2009
at 1:46 pm
Living in NYC, I like to pretend sometimes that NO ONE has pizza buffets, that’s it’s not just me missing out on them. But then I read this and was reminded that substandard or no, a pizza buffet is the greatest of all buffets, and my life isn’t worth living.
By: donuts4dinner on November 19, 2009
at 12:44 pm
You left out the part about carving a few nice slices of fresh turkey and putting them in one’s purse to take home to the kitties.
By: martha on November 21, 2009
at 12:04 pm
I read a few topics. I respect your work and added blog to favorites.
By: John on November 21, 2009
at 5:17 pm
Damn, dude.
Damn.
By: Nate K. on November 21, 2009
at 10:16 pm
hoping to get the lunch price, so management opened up two other registers, so people could be seated at the lower price.
By: 酒店經紀 on November 23, 2009
at 11:05 am
Unnecessary apostrophe alert! In the sentence “Allow other’s the right of way” there should be no apostrophe in others.
How do I know? The rules are simple.
Possessive: use apostrophe (example: I wrecked my brother’s car)
Plural: do NOT use apostrophe (example: my brothers, Joe and Mike, are coming over for dinner)
So in this case, “Allow others the right of way” would be correct.
Now you know too!
By: Mira8 on November 24, 2009
at 3:14 pm
A Sub-SUB Section of ethnic buffet (related to the brazilian BBQ type places) that’s unmentioned, perhaps due to its extreme locality, is the Korean BBQ all-you-can eat places.
Typically for $10~$20 plus tax, you get to cook up and eat as much Korean BBQ as your little (or distended) stomachs allow. This is mostly Los Angeles and local suburban areas, though this may have changed recently.
Of course, you will need to have a hearty appetite for Flank (thinly sliced) and uncured, unsalted bacon to take advantage of the $10 price.
By: Damage on November 25, 2009
at 3:34 pm
THIS is madness.
(no sparta joke please)
By: tobias on November 26, 2009
at 9:23 am
Fantastic! I have shared your post on my blog. http://heresyourtipblog.blogspot.com
By: Mike on November 28, 2009
at 12:08 am
Valuable thoughts and advices. I read your topic with great interest.
By: Peter on November 30, 2009
at 3:30 am
Well Done!
By: Steve on December 10, 2009
at 11:49 am
Ists Look so delicious ,,,…! hmmm Yummy
By: Bali hotels on December 13, 2009
at 11:38 pm
@Adriana, you appear to know what you’re talking about. Would you mind shooting me your mail address? I would like to talk more with you.
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at 4:47 am
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at 9:02 am
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By: Big Wheels for kids on April 13, 2010
at 10:10 pm
This is one hell of a flow chart. I’ve seen a similar one for guys and gals when they want to choose a dress to go out. For girls, it’s as complex as this one where as for guys, it’s really simple!
Anyways, kudos to whoever put the genuine effort
By: water4gas on April 13, 2010
at 10:14 pm
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By: LORRIE DURAN on May 31, 2010
at 8:29 pm
Well, we not only need to eat healthy, but also fun!
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at 5:33 am
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at 4:16 am